What does it mean to leave church changed? The story of Peter denying Christ three times is placed directly before the story of Judas confessing his grave mistake to the religious leaders and ultimately killing himself. Matthew, the author, is making a clear point. Peter denies Christ and weeps bitterly. But in John 21, he is restored to fellowship with the resurrected Jesus by Jesus himself. He then preaches the Holy Spirit-filled sermon in Acts 2 that leads to 3,000 people being baptized and the birth of the church.
What is the difference between Peter and Judas? Why does one become the Rock of the church and one of the greatest men of church history, while the other kills himself, forever associated with the pure evil of the betrayal of Jesus? The difference is thatremorse is not repentance. Judas showed remorse but Peter engaged repentance. It is important that remorse is never confused with repentance, or change beyond the walls of the church will never occur.
In Matthew 27:3, it says that Judas was seized with remorse. Not with repentance. In the Greek language, the words for ‘remorse’ and ‘repentance’ are close but not exactly the same. Remorse and repentance start in the same place but quickly divide into two very distinct paths. Remorse is a torturing sense of guilt for one’s actions. Judas experienced remorse. He knew that what he had done was wrong, that it was sin. It tortured him so much that he eventually took his own life.
All of us have done things in our lives over which we are remorseful. We feel really bad that we got drunk - again. We are so sorry that we allowed our anger to swell up and wreck another relationship. We are weeping, broken because we got our third speeding ticket and we will now lose our driver’s license. Remorse left to itself ends in self-hatred and a clear absence of change. When you stay remorseful over something you have done it always leads to mental, emotional, physical and spiritual self-abuse. In a state of remorse, we never recognize the forgiveness that Jesus has offered each and every one of us on the cross. Remorse keeps you focused on your own sin, your own junk, your own mistakes, your own addictions, and never moves out from self and sin to Christ and forgiveness.
Peter, like Judas, experienced remorse. He wept bitterly, but his remorse led to repentance, to real change. The word used for repent in the New Testament is “metaneo,” the same word Peter used in Acts 2:38 when he preached about Jesus at the birth of the church. It’s the word John the Baptist used when he prepared the way for Jesus, and it is the word Jesus used in his ministry. That word literally means to rethink, to change your mind about something. Repentance is thinking about something in such a way that your allegiance jumps from one team to another. When a new Roman leader would come to power the soldiers needed to “metaneo” their allegiance to a new leader, a new way, a new path.[1]
One of the missteps we make regarding repentance is to think that it is about focusing on a sin in our life and recognizing that it is wrong. But that is not repentance, that is just remorse. Remorse focuses on the sin and feels genuinely broken. Remorse moves to repentance when our thinking changes about whose team we are on. And, like in biblical culture, when our thinking genuinely changes our allegiance, our actions change. You will never experience sustained change in your life by focusing on what needs to be changed instead of what you need to be changed into. Repentance recognizes the sin in our life that needs to be changed, but then moves our focus to the Christ whom we need to be changed into.
Repentance needs to start at the same place as Peter and Judas. You need to recognize your sin. Peter recognized that he had not stood by his master Rabbi in his greatest time of need, and wept. Judas realized that Jesus was innocent and was deeply remorseful. When you begin to engage repentance, you speak with clarity about what you have done. You have not truly engaged repentance until you are clear about your junk and no longer play the rationalization game. This clarity must birth a time of confession to God and also to others, as we are charged in James 5. Repentance also dictates that, if possible, some form of restitution should occur. This path leads to a true change of allegiance.
When we repent, we change teams. We are no longer loyal to our sinful nature. We are no longer loyal to the sin in our life, but we are now submitted to Christ and our allegiance resides with Him. Peter had been more interested in protecting his own skin than standing with Jesus. But that would change. Peter would boldly proclaim and stand with Jesus. And church history tells us that Peter would die for Christ, being crucified upside down. That is authentic repentance. An attitude, an action, a perspective was changed. It’s not that Peter never struggled again. He did. On one occasion the Apostle Paul had to put him back in line. Peter still struggled. When we truly repent and change our allegiance to Christ, we will still struggle. We will still sin. But in authentic repentance, the rhythm of our life begins to change; we begin to celebrate more victories, and the path of our life truly turns from our issues to the person of Jesus our Leader and Lord. In authentic repentance, we leave changed, and leaving changed is always at the heart of the church experience.
Jason Esposito
Lead Pastor
